Fear of graduating
Do you ever feel like, you’ve worked so hard for something, that now that you’re getting towards the end you don’t want to face what comes next ? That’s how I feel about graduating college. Like many Americans I went through the motions of going through grade school, graduating high school, going to college. I finished my AA degree then transferred to a university. (I may do a post talking about my experience attending a PWI as a black student.)
I finally had added my last course needed to graduate, and unlike most students, who were preparing to graduate, I felt uncertain if I wanted to even graduate. During a conversation with an old colleague, I asked them what was their plans for the fall. They asked me, “What do you mean ? You don’t have to plan your life around semesters anymore.” I hadn’t realized how conditioned I was to planning my life around semesters or having holidays off and etc.
What I did know is that I was nervous about entering the adult world of looking for a job that would pay my bills, provided health coverage and all of the other boring things that came with adulting. I did know that I didn’t want to be in that world and had a fear of failing. I didn’t have the comfort of running to my adviser anymore or starting over. This is the real world I would be entering with real issues. The thought of failing scares me, especially since your life can be broadcasted all over social media with your every move. Adulting sucks.
One thing I have learned with this transition in my life, is how much closer my dependence on God has been and my relationship with him has become more important to me then in the past. I learned that my faith that God would take care of everything is what mattered. That as long as I was doing what needed to be done he would take care of everything else. Some days are better than others and I cannot wait to finish schooling, but others I think about the future and the responsibilities that come with that and I freak, but I just remind myself to keep the faith and keep on pushing.
Joshua 1:9 NIV
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”